No Happy Mother's Day for Me

Posted by JCE

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If Michelle Duggar uses her vagina like a pez dispenser, then I have used mine like a swiss bank account. Perhaps if I had had more children and increased my odds, I would not currently be winning the "Worst Mother of the Year" award. But I didn't and now I am faced with the ugly consequences of having the unmitigated gall to ground my son shortly before Mother's Day. I had no reason whatsoever to do this, it was simply a fleeting idea careening around my brain and I acted on it.

Just so you understand the depth of my cruelty, let me outline a few of the pathetic reasons I gave for this grounding:

1. I have my son every other week and lately he has been convincing his father to bring him over to my place and drop him off before I get home from work. Obviously, this saves me time and money and the thanks he gets is a grounding. The fact that he and his friend visit McDonald's before I get home is irrelevant. Apparently I have a problem with nutrition and am too stupid to listen to the commercials on TV that clearly state McDonald's is nutritious. Hello??! Jeez.
   
   
2. My son enjoys playing roller hockey with his friends after school. Since I live on the second floor of an apartment building, he must go down a flight of concrete stairs and I am such a worrywart that I actually expect him NOT to wear his skates while on the stairs. Duh! He knows what he is doing! Gawd - if I am so worried about it, I should move to a first floor apartment! It is my fault for living on the second floor.
   
   
3. Here is the real kicker - I asked him to at least wear his bike helmet if he is going to ignore my overprotective pleas to stay off the stairs in skates. Again - DUUUUUUUH! - he knows what he is doing and how can I possibly expect him to ruin his image with a helmet?! I am so unreasonable.

As you can clearly see, I am retarded and have no business raising a child. I have called the Division of Family Services to turn myself in and I am sure they will put him in a much safer, caring environment than I can provide. Then I am going to take a nice long bubble bath.

Happy Mother's Day.

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