Pot Accidentally Calls Kettle Black; Bush And Berlusconi

Posted by BGH

~
I found this headline and summary of the article to be amusingly ironic:

Bush sorry over Berlusconi insult
The White House has apologised to Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi for a briefing describing him as a political "amateur" who is "hated by many".

The mistake was not a purposeful slight, rather the information in the biography was not written by White House staff but pulled from a biography encyclopedia. Either way, it is funny as hell that one of the most corrupt and most hated presidencies in American history would mistakenly (or with intent), make such accusations of other world leaders.

This White House has alienated much of the world, seems amateur at best, is hated by many of it's own citizens and has shown massive evidence of corruption from top to bottom. Maybe white house staff actually printed Bush's biography and just changed the name at the top to "Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi", the description makes as much sense either way.
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"These things I'll carry on
And when you're gone I'll honor you
Each day, however long"

George W. Bush Doesn't Care About 'WET' People

Posted by BGH

~
In a pretty funny skit from last night's The Daily Show, there might just be a snippet of truth.

This parody of the Kanye West controversy from a few years ago, where Kanye said on live TV, "George Bush doesn't care about black people", in reference to the slow response to Hurricane Katrina, the writers may have hit on the real truth. George Bush doesn't care about 'wet' people.

The slow response to Katrina was not because he hates black people, he hates non-dry people and floods.

Hilarious skit.



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"These things I'll carry on
And when you're gone I'll honor you
Each day, however long"

And so to summarize...People are stupid

Posted by JCE

***
Nothing changes, history repeats itself, humans are essentially no more or less intelligent than when they first evolved…possibly a little less and because of this we will eventually kill ourselves. We just might take the rest of the planet with us too.

These are the conclusions I have reached since spending the past couple of years submersed in current events (to a near addictive level, I might add). I also realized that the above conclusion was the primary reason I ignored current events in the first place. Actually, I ignored them because I already knew about the above conclusion, but it depressed me beyond reason and I would lose sight of what in the hell life is about.

Now I know – humor.

So, in an effort to inject a little humor in our lives, let’s take a gander at some headlines, shall we?

• Wall Street broker acquitted in 'gym rage' case – well, of course he was acquitted! He is a stock broker, duh! They never do anything criminal!
  
  
• Mow your lawn... or risk jail time in Canton, Ohio – It is about time we started passing some laws that make sense…or not.
  
  
• You can’t preach the Bible here, this is a Muslim area – Ummm…who didn’t see this coming?
  
  
• After six months, can Democratic race be over? – Six months??? More like six years!
  
  
• NEW YORK: DWI charge for woman going wrong way on bridge – I included this one because for the life of me I cannot figure out why it made headline news.
  
  
• MIDDLEBURY, VT.: Vandals must take class on Robert Frost's poetry – That'll teach 'em!
  
  
• SACRAMENTO, CALIF.: Proposal to bar same-sex marriage makes ballot – Well, duh! We wouldn't want to make any progress in society without backsliding into the pit of stupidity from which we tried to emerge in the first place!
  
  
• More Americans Take Public Transit – Again, I’m sitting here trying to figure out why this made headline news. Do the news writers not buy gas?
  
  
• Firing ranges complicate vets' PTSD recovery – Ummm…who the hell decided to put the vets there in the first place? And why can’t we execute people who do dumb things like that?
  
  
• Draft plan: FEMA may use trailers in new disaster - Because they worked out so well in New Orleans.
  
  
• Man Sues Truck Stop Over Coffee Burns - {eye twitches} Why not? Coffee isn't supposed to be served piping hot anyway.
  
  
• Warning Issued concerning 'beach bombs' - Evidently people are taking live mortar rounds home as souvenirs from their vacations. To be honest, I really don't think there should be a warning issued for this...it is happening in Jersey and I'm pretty sure they are as pleased as the rest of us to be rid of anyone stupid enough to take one of these prizes home. Plus it is going a long way toward cleaning up the shores!
  
  
• Dutch man injures posterior in mooning accident - WTF?
  
  

Well, there you have it! Evidence of the world going to hell in a handbasket. And the driving force behind our descent? Idiocy. I hope you all laughed really hard. Now, dry your tears and keep lobbying our government to do something intelligent!

***

This Guy is A-Ok

Posted by Pariahjane

I've been reading Happy Jihad's House of Pancakes for awhile now and figured I would pass this gem on to all of you. He's funny, quirky, snarky as hell and a damn good writer.

I found him on the Atheist Blogroll but it was really the rejection letters series that got me hooked (great sense of humor, that one). Anyway, please check him out if you get a chance.

Oh, and he just introduced to me April Winchell so if you don't hear from me for a long time that's why. She's amassed a huge amount of MP3's that are bizarre and great at the same time. I highly recommend 'Stayin' Alive' the Pan Flute version.

Reasonable Expectation Vs. 'Faith'

Posted by BGH

~
There is a difference.

I had another discussion at work with the "Holy Co-Worker" yesterday where he seemed totally confused. It was a passing conversation that I kind of butted my way into, but I wanted to see where he was going to take this statement. He said, "Everyone has faith in something".

Now, as soon as I heard this I had a good idea where he was going to head with his reasoning if I pressed him, and I did so I could make my point. I said, "Not everyone".

And then he took the conversation exactly where I thought he would. He continued, "What do you mean? Yes they do. When you get in your car and drive down the road, you don't know if your brakes will work or not when you step on the pedal, but you have 'faith' and press down anyway."

Perfect!! I was ready. I said back to him, "No, that is not faith, THAT is 'reasonable expectation' based on previous experience/evidence. I do not 'believe' the brakes will work, I 'expect' that they will work based on every other time I stepped on the the pedal and the car began to slow. The same argument is used regarding the Sun coming up in the morning, people who don't realize the difference between faith and reasonable expectation will say that we have faith that the sun will rise. That is not true, we have a reasonable expectation that we will see the Sun come up on the eastern horizon tomorrow based on the 4.5 billion years of previous evidence of it doing so. So, no, not everyone has 'faith' in something, 'faith' is belief without evidence and I don't wish to live my life that way."

One of our coworkers was sitting at a nearby table and another was at the counter preparing his lunch, both began nodding their heads and the one at the table said, "he is exactly right".

The "Holy Janitor" looked dumbfounded, stood there speechless for a minute, then just walked away.
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"These things I'll carry on
And when you're gone I'll honor you
Each day, however long"

Engineer's Guide to Cats

Posted by Pariahjane

Well, it's Friday and the weekend is almost here (finally!) I just received this link from a friend and thought it was incredibly clever and very, very funny.



I'm not exactly a huge fan of cats, mainly because I break into hives and can't breathe when I'm around them but these cats are hysterical. I couldn't tell if they engineer was making some of those cat sounds or if that was really a cat!

Hope you all enjoy!

Winning PowerBall

Posted by Susan

I don't make it a habit to buy lottery tickets. If I think of it when I'm filling the tank, I may get a couple. I never win. Not even a lousy few bucks for matching the PowerBall.

I did win three whole dollars once a long time ago. The clerk was totally baffled because I wanted my three dollars instead of three tickets. Nope. I not only took the cash, I made my friends look at it and admire it.

I figure I have two dollars worth of fun trying to figure out what I'd do if I ever actually won.

Of course, the first thing you do is GET THE THING VERIFIED! Don't tell anyone just in case you really didn't win.

Once you decide on an annuity or cash payment, get a good financial planner and tax accountant. I want to have a pile of money big enough that I can live off the interest and never have to need a paycheck again. Always plan for the unexpected ~ like a recession. What if the interest rate goes down to 1%? 1% of $1 million is only $10 thousand. Keep in mind that's before taxes.

I'm thinking a cash payout of about $30 million so in "hard times" you'd still have $300,000 annually, probably $150,000 after taxes. Yeah. I could be pretty darned happy with that.

OK. Let's say I win the next jackpot.

After the government takes their cut off the top, that leaves $43.65 million. At 1% annually, that's $436,500. Yup, taxable. Cut it in half again to be $218,250 to spend.

I'm good with that. I would go into my office over the weekend, take the pictures out of my cube and leave my pass under my manager's phone with a short note.

Then I'd pay off my bills and my house so I'm free and clear. So the first year will be a little thinner than I'd like, but that's OK. I could "make do" for awhile.

My luxury spending would be to replace my 1992 Lumina. Nothing fancy, but something new and totally reliable. (Don't forget that taxes and insurance rates will go up accordingly!)

I would have the time to volunteer at UNICORN THEATRE because I've been working so much the past couple of years, I haven't been able to spend the time I really want to helping out.

Year two: I'd hire an assistant. Someone to do all those little things like grocery shopping, picking up dry cleaning and loading up on cat food. Maybe even scooping litter boxes.

I'd have extra to share with UNICORN THEATRE and NO MORE HOMELESS PETS IN KANSAS CITY and BEST FRIENDS ANIMAL SANCTUARY and AIDS WALK KANSAS CITY.

There might even be time to sit and start working on the stack of books piling up in my library. I'd have time to give my critters the attention they deserve.

All this planning is a lot of work and I suspect this would be just the tip of the iceberg.

Maybe it's a good thing I won't win after all. I just don't have time to deal with all this!

A little political humor

Posted by JCE

***
We've all been feeling a bit blah over here at The Information Paradox so to lighten the mood (in addition to Susan's excellent post about the 95 year old hero) I thought I would post some political humor cartoons:

Craptions - Cracked.com

Posted by Pariahjane

Eh, I'm sure there are a ton of these posts lying around but I just can't help myself.

From cracked.com

The winning Craption:

After giving up all material possesions, buddha was often forced to ride "bitch" when hanging out with jesus and mohammed

Submitted by: montanaguy

Proof That Stupidity Is Not Always "Wrong" [video]

Posted by BGH

~


Sometimes what is perceived to be a "stupid" answer is not necessarily a "wrong" answer, especially in the world of game shows. The putt wasn't really that big of a deal, but some of the answers were surprising and then they ended up being correct too.
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Joke Of The Day - From BGH

Posted by BGH

~
Two friends 'Jim' and 'Dave' are sitting at a bar after work, having a beer.

Jim tells Dave that he was really embarrassed earlier in the day because of a Freudian slip he had.

Dave, looked perplexed and asked "What's that?".

Jim said, "A Freudian slip? That is when you mean to say one thing and you actually say what you are subconsciously thinking".

Dave is still confused, "What do you mean Jim?".

Jim says, "Well, this morning I was at the train station buying a ticket to Pittsburgh. The girl at the counter had really big boobs so I said 'I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh'"

Dave replied, "Ohhhhh, I know what you are talking about. I had a Freudian slip the other day."

Jim said, "please explain".

Dave continued, "Well, the other morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Please pass the butter', instead I said 'YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!'".

(Ha ha ha ha ha, please no hate mail. The joke can be told either way about a wife or a husband.)
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Baffling children's toys - Cracked.com

Posted by Pariahjane

Cracked.com

Cracked.com has some of the funniest damn lists I've ever seen. This one had me crying at my desk. Why are the Japanese obsessed with poop?

After you've finished checking out the list check out this video:

The "Holy Co-Worker", Did He Think God Would Slow The Water?

Posted by BGH

~
Just for future reference, because this character may come up again in future posts, I work with a man I will call 'The Holy Co-Worker'. He is a nice enough guy, a little slow in some cases, not severely so, just enough that he leans heavily on Jesus for support.

He is the type that seems to have difficulty thinking for himself and as such there is only one default position, belief in god. Now, he knows I am an atheist, we learned a long time ago to refrain from religious discussion, except occasionally. After a few sessions of asking him questions and making tough criticisms he was uncomfortable acknowledging, he decided it was better to steer clear of religious conversation because he'd rather not think about problems with doctrine or scripture, much less honestly assess why he believes.

Now, he has resigned himself to telling me that one day I will be a powerful force for the 'Lord'. I laugh it off most days, and usually respond with "Who?".

Today, I was in the lunch room filling a water pitcher we keep in the fridge, he came in just as I was turning off the faucet and getting ready to put the pitcher back. As I returned the water vessel to the refrigerator he reached for it to fill his cup. I commented to him clearly, because this pitcher has a tendency when full to make the lid pop off and water spill all over the place, I told him, "Be careful, I just filled it all the way up". He said okay, but by his lackadaisical handling of the object I could tell what was coming next, so I leaned against the counter and watched.

Ploosh!, water all over his hand holding the cup and all over the floor. I chuckled a little inside, and then after a minute or two began helping him sop up the water with paper towels. As we are mopping the spill, he decides this is a good time to invoke the 'Lord'.

He looked at me and said, "To err is to human, but..." he paused for emphasis, then he pointed to the sky and said, "... to forgive is Divine."

I bluntly looked at him and said, "Good thing he is going to forgive you, because I am not divine and I am never gonna let you live this one down." I continued, "For this day, I was able to predict the future, without Jesus or holy revelation."

He looked at me and laughed, not knowing what to say, he said "You a bad man Brian, he he he he."
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Look what we found in Junior's room!!!!

Posted by Pariahjane

Ok, well Junior actually goes by the name Gizmo. Or Chicken (long story). Anyway, Gizmo is a ferret. For those that aren't familiar with these cute little critters, ferrets like to hoard stuff. And they steal what they hoard and, quite honestly, make excellent little thieves. Actually, the ferret's Latin name roughly translates into 'Stinky Mouse Killing Thief'. So there is your useless knowledge for the day - do with it what you will.

This is Gizmo:

Gizmo's 'room' is actually the box spring of our queen size bed. We were not happy with this but, as I've said before, ferrets are very resourceful and quite determined to get their way. It was a good, long hard battle but Gizmo persevered - the box spring was his.

Gizmo also really really likes plastic - you crinkle a plastic bag in the kitchen and he comes out of no where and will go ape shit to get the bag. So, naturally, Gizmo hoards plastic bags. And anything they contain. I've found books in plastic, shoes in plastic (that I carry to work with me), jewelery in plastic, etc. Every month I go through his hidey hole and clean out the contraband and make sure that he doesn't have anything valuable, important or dangerous in there. After this month's sweep, however, the box spring is going far far away.

This is what we found:
Apparently Gizmo's plastic fetish has reached epic proportions. That big mound in the middle of the bed is comprised of plastic bags of every shape and size from sandwich bags to gigantic Target bags. He must have been pulling them out of the pantry behind my back and hiding them in the box spring.

I honestly could not understand why I was going through pocket tissue packs like crazy. It now appears that someone has figured out how to open my purse. Which I hang up on the doorknob, by the way. How he even gets up there is a mystery.


That, my friends, is a FUCKING PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH!!!! And it was inside my box spring!!! Gizmo apparently really coveted this gem of a find because I found it inside a plastic bag that was already inside a plastic bag. Oh, and that's also some important looking cable and a maxi pad.

Just for the record, Gizmo has no interest in chewing or eating any of his finds. He just likes to hide them. His box spring days, however, are over.

(Disclaimer for all the rabid ferret owners - yes, he has a cage which he stays in when we are not home. He's perfectly safe and I understand ALL the dangers of letting a ferret roam around the house. This place is like ferrety Fort Knox. He's fine here)

Christopher Walken: Man, Myth, Legend... Cowbeller [Video Too]

Posted by BGH

~
This is a departure post from our usual material, but I am happy to see one of the best (in my opinion) receive this honor.

One of my favorite actors of all time, Christopher Walken, has won Harvard's, 'Hasty Pudding Man Of The Year', award.

Walken gets Harvard Hasty Pudding award

His portrayal of the demented 'bad guy' role is eerily dead on, and his delivery of deadpan comedy is a thing of wonder.

Walken's role in Pulp Fiction as a fellow P.O.W. who brings a watch home to comrade's son is demented and twisted, while his depiction of mob bosses in movies like True Romance and Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead are chilling, even his delivery of archangel Gabriel in The Prophecy will scare the wits out of you.

Some of the best comedy he has delivered has been on Saturday Night Live, as 'The Continental', an insane 'Prankster' who kills a coworker with a tire iron, and the demanding music producer, Bruce Dickinson calling for "more cowbell" (see video below).

Enjoy!


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They Come In Threes

Posted by Susan

This isn't going to be a deep thought provoking post, but I just have to share.

I've heard it said that things come in threes. I hope that's right and I'm done for now. The Visa and MasterCard can't take much more.

The washer finally went through it's final spin and passed quietly away. The dryer is on last wobbly legs. I guess it's to be expected when they're elderly at 18 years old.

I researched and compared and decided what I was going to purchase. However, after finding out what it was going to add to the total to have the old appliances hauled away, sales tax and delivery charges, I lowered my expectations a couple of notches and didn't get any bells, buttons or whistles. They pretty much just have hot/cold and on/off.

About 8 hours later, my furnace went out. Yup, it was 8 degrees outside and the furnace just plain croaked. By 8 AM it was 49 degrees inside the house. Naturally calling the furnace fix-it man on a Sunday isn't cheap. He fiddled with it for a couple of hours and finally got it running, but couldn't fix it. (Something to do with a $600 circuit board.) As he was leaving, he told me he hoped it would stay on until they could locate the part. Of course, they wouldn't start looking for it until Monday.

A second service call and a new circuit board came the next day.

Tonight I was cleaning the carpet so it wouldn't smell like kitties when the washer & dryer delivery guys come tomorrow and, you guessed it, the vacuum made s funny noise, emitted a horrendous odor and quit sucking up cat hair.

That's THREE.

I hope this means my 1992 car isn't going to break down and none of the critters are going to require a trip to the emergency room.

A Favorite Theist Logical Fallacy: The Straw Man

Posted by BGH

~
For your entertainment I thought I would share a recent discussion I have been enjoying on Reddit. It seems someone submitted the news story regarding the Pope's comments in reference to science last week. I saw this poster's remark, and just had to respond, I wanted to know why just serving up the news story was anti-religious discrimination. Obviously the believer's favorite argument against one who is skeptical is the strawman fallacy and it is well employed by this user.

Meet:

• Riman34
• Downvoted for anti-religious discrimination.

BGH

Awww, will your imaginary friend be offended?

• Riman34
• Ooo! Are you taking pleasure from torturing little children, you monster?

BGH

Torturing children?

As the Catholic Priests do by buttfucking and molesting every little boy they can get their hands on?

No, actually I have no magic invisible friend to tell me that sex between two consenting adults is bad, so I enjoy that instead.

How about you?

• Riman34
• Ooo! It's well known that every pedophile and rapist need a catholic priesthood diploma...Can I call you "moron", please?
• Me? I'm quite well. I don't have AIDS. Neither flesh-eating MRSA bacteria.

BGH

Oh, your right, it's not a requirement. Once you do get that degree though, you have a pretty good start.

Why call it torturing little children to let them know this 'god' figure is no different than Santa Clause and is a man made concept? Wouldn't it be torture the other way around? Tell them this thing exists only to find out later it was a big lie and very much wishful thinking?

• Riman34
• A good Start? Oh really! I didn't know that Theological courses were about learning CIA torture techniques.
• Go on, explain your non-sense.

BGH

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Since when is pedophilia a CIA torture technique?

How about answering the question of why you call it torture?

I'll ask it again, why call it torturing little children to let them know this 'god' figure is no different than Santa Clause and is a man made concept? Wouldn't it be torture the other way around? Tell them this thing exists only to find out later it was a big lie and very much wishful thinking?

• Riman34
• Fantasies are common things for children. They love stories, you didn't know?
• So delude yourserlf with your pathetic pseudo-rationality unable to explain basic youth psychology.

BGH

You do realize, that I understand enough about psychology to ascertain, you are off your rocker.

By the way, nice dodge again on the question.

• Riman34
• If you understand youth psychology , and if you understand that children loves stories, love Santa Claus, why do you want to make them cry ? I don't think you realize how fragile are children minds.

BGH

Seriously, you haven't slightest clue!

Why not tell them fantasy and make believe is great. But it is just that, fantasy and make believe, they need to know that so they do not confuse fantasy with reality.

How long would you have them believe in Santa? 10yrs? 20yrs? If you purport something like that to be true and they find out it isn't they will cry, no matter the age. If they know it isn't real from the start and it is just make-believe they will be much better off to deal with reality.

Additionally, if telling them god doesn't exist is similar to telling them santa isn't real, are you admitting this 'god' thing is just santa for grown-ups?

• Riman34
• I don't think you understand at all youth psychology. Children love stories, because they need it ! They can't rationalize complex things. And when they grow up, they realize by themselves.
• "God" is a pratical name for spirituality. And spirituality is about things that mankind is unable to understand : Infinity, Eternity, etc...

BGH

Funny, I have a child, he rationalizes very well. I don't think you understand youth psychology, purporting a lie to them only makes them distrustful when they learn the truth. He understands that anything he wants to ask I will give him an honest answer instead of making up a fairy tale.

Your so-called 'spirituality' is hogwash also, because we can't understand something doesn't mean we make up a name and answer. We say we don't understand yet, and as long as we keep an open mind, we may eventually find out. We do not fabricate an answer that 'feels good' and stop there, nothing is ever learned that way.

Try again.

• Riman34
• Oh, great! And now you are deniying the very existence of religions and spiritualities.
• Troll !
• By the way, mankind is unable to understand infinity. It's a mind limit fact.

BGH

Have you seen a psychiatrist lately? You seem to be exhibiting classic 'projection' by calling me a troll.

I think I have been rather reasonable in this discussion, you on the other hand have straw manned nearly every point I have given and made very broad assumptions you can't back up.

I won't resort to calling you a 'troll', rather you have weak argumentation and are not substantiating anything you say. I think I shall call you, 'nutjob' or 'moron'.

I hope we can have more encounters in other posts because you done such an excellent job of illustrating how to employ logical fallacies and distorted reasoning.

Have a nice evening, moron.


---------------------------------
I tried not to be too rough on the poster until the end, but restraint was very difficult.


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Limerick Friday!! (Contribute your own)

Posted by BGH

~
From Wikipedia:

A limerick has five lines, with three metrical feet in the first, second and fifth lines and two metrical feet in the third and fourth lines. A variety of types of metrical foot can be used, but the most typical are the amphibrach (a stressed syllable between two unstressed syllables) and the anapaest (two unstressed syllables followed by a stressed syllable). The rhyme scheme is usually AABBA.

There once was a president named Bushie,

his words come out all jumbled and mushy.

He used threats and fear,

to kick his war into gear.

Well, isn't he quite violent and pushy?

In the busy little town of St. Lou,

the archbishop is quite a screw.

He is a dick about doctrine,

his views are quite frozen.

Really a rather archaic world view.

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It's Haiku Monday!!

Posted by BGH

~
Once again it is time for us to Haiku!!

Weekend Is Over
Elections Are Nearing
Who Is Next To Try

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Specialist Saw Me
Try More Antibiotics
Infection Not Gone

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Feel free to add your own Haiku on any subject you like.
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Mr Deity: Season 2, Episode 7 (Video)

Posted by BGH

~
Oh, man! Another hilarious episode, this one dealing with 'Limbo'.

From Crackle: Mr. Deity and the Limbo - Season 2, Ep 7

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