I am 42 and have a curfew

Posted by JCE

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Love really is a battlefield, especially when it comes to raising teenagers.

Last Thursday night I went out. That's right - OUT. Alone no less!! My son (age 13) was with his dad and my daughter (age 19) was working. I felt my bases had been covered since I had informed my daughter where I would be going. Heck, I even invited her to go with me but she had to work. Well, she had slept since that conversation so no recollection of this existed in her mind. While I was out I receive a call from her:

Child: Where are you?
Me: Out
Child: Out where? What do you mean "out"? Who are you with?
Me: I am at the music thing I told you about and I am alone.
Child: When are you coming home?
Me: Soon. Why?
Child: It is late.
Me: It is 11:00.
Child: Yeah - late.
Me: I will be home soon. Are you hungry?
Child: Yeah. Can you stop and pick me up so we can get something to eat? Some of us have to work, you know. I didn't have time to eat dinner.
Me: Uh huh. Sure.

Thinking this was the end of it, I was surprised when my daughter brought the incident back up Saturday night:

Child: By the way, next time you decide to go out, could you please let someone know?
Me: I did let you know.
Child: I forgot. You should have called and reminded me. I had to call your sister.
Me: She lives 5 hours away. Why would she know where I was on a Thursday night? What did she tell you?
Child: That my mother is a grown up and is entitled to go out occasionally.
Me: Yes, that is true.
Child: Well, you still should have reminded me.
Me: Like you do?
Child: That's different! I am over 18 and almost out of the house!

(The look on my face told her where she had gone wrong, but I stated the obvious anyway.)

Me: I am over 18 too. And this IS my house. I can leave if I want.

She sheepishly conceded the point as my eyes rolled back.

So, do I ground myself or what?

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The Dark Side of Social Networks

Posted by JCE

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No matter where we go or how old we get, life seems to be one long cycle of high school. I could have sworn I had escaped that stifling environment years ago only to find myself sucked back down into the mire of popularity contests and whimsical approval ratings.

When we started this blog I vividly remember the excitement of realizing someone other than just the authors were actually reading what we had written. Not only that, a few delusional souls appeared to enjoy our rantings enough to subscribe. I almost wet myself. No, really - it was terribly exciting! Ahh....but then the comments began filtering in. Love notes from "anonymous" appeared letting us know that none of us have any idea what we are talking about and that we suck. Naturally, no further proof of our errors or constructive criticism on our writing skills accompanied these notes. Judgment had been passed and that was all that was necessary on the part of dear "anonymous". At first we second guessed ourselves and got all tied up in knots over these comments. Then we collectively realized that at least someone was reading our stuff even if they hated it. (Quite honestly, I have never hated someone else's writing enough to let them know the tripe they had produce was making me physically ill, but maybe that is just me...whatever.)

Our next big move was to subscribe to "social networks" such as Digg and Reddit. Our traffic to the blog increased dramatically and so did the love notes. I had never even heard of blogspam until I got accused of it. Turns out that some of the 12 year olds on Digg and Reddit do not have a clear understanding of blogspam. Technically, it is when someone submits their own site that is designed to sell something. Essentially, it is an unsolicited advertisement and it is pretty strictly forbidden on social networks. The misunderstanding occurs because some of the 12 year old simply don't like ANY blogs and will mark them as blogspam. It is unclear to me whether this is done out of genuine confusion or jealousy that they are so completely without talent or ambition and do not want anyone else to get noticed on the web. Personally, I like blogs. I love reading someone else's take on current events or life in general. Some are good, some are not so good, but they are always interesting.

There are a handful of users on reddit who routinely squat and dump on other submissions while never submitting anything of their own. Apparently their time is so precious they can only leave gems of discouragement between rounds of WoW. I've actually pointed this out to a few of the commentors only to receive a snarky response back telling me I am an idiot. Well, that clears every thing up! Good job! There are also users on reddit who periodically go through new submissions and arbitrarily down vote every single one. They don't read the submissions. They don't care. The whole system is an amusing game for them and they like the pretty blue arrows so off they go, clicking madly away.

Digg has other issues. Some users are very well known and one is able to create a small network of friends who submit things of interest to you and send shouts. Naturally, shouts are sent but diggs are not returned. I have an approximate 20% return rate of diggs by my friends for my submissions. Periodically I weed through my friends and am cautious about who I accept these days. At this point I receive about 50 shouts per day from my friends and conscientiously digg them all....the same cannot be said for many of my "friends". Digg also had a charming panel of moderators who have veto power over all submissions and can bury them as they see fit. Supposedly there is a complicated algorithm used to officially bury a submission, but as far as I can tell it has much more to do with mood swings stemming from how quickly their mothers are bringing the peanut butter sandwiches than an actual mathematical formula related to the content of the post.

Alas, these two are not the worst of them. Social Rank has a subcategory called Challenge Religion which is supposed to list popular atheist site posts. The creators don't even bother to pretend to use an algorithm or any other fancy tool to determine popularity. They simply list the ones they like and more often than not the list consists of posts from about 5 different sites. The fact that there are hundreds of atheist sites getting far more attention does not seem to bother the creators one tiny bit. Favorites have been chosen and unless you become part of the inner circle, you can forget about getting your site listed.

Ironically, for all the negative feedback we have received, I just don't care. We did not start this site to become the premiere news source for the world. We created it as an outlet for our thoughts and perspective on the absolute idiocy we see daily. We have met many supportive and like minded people on these social networks, but unfortunately the bad overshadows the good some days.
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New Blog Alert!!

Posted by JCE

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Found a new blog and everyone should check it out!

Magick Sandwich

Just to give you a teaser taste of the delicious prose contained within this gem, here is a copy of the 'legal disclosure':

This website is intended for adult entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, prevent or treat any disease. The tasteless and/or crude nature of its content should not be construed as a reflection on the moral character of the reader. If you believe you have reached this site in error, please realize that a record of your visit exists somewhere and may be retrieved in the future by any entity, governmental or otherwise, provided that the aforementioned entity has any interest in doing so. Author assumes no risk or responsibility for reader being "put on a list". In case of accidental exposure, flush eyes immediately with water.

So head over there and check out her blog. Here are links to some of my personal favorites, but I doubt you will have any trouble finding your own:

Great Gifts for Depressed Friends
Idiocracy Now Qualifies as a Documentary
Bill O'Reilly Cures Depression

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There can be only none!

Posted by JCE

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It used to be that children were raised in whatever the predominate Christian faith was for the family. If the father's family was able to present the case of being more holy (read, bitchier about it) then the children were raised in that faith or vice versa with the mother's family. In today's world of religious diversity (don't you just love that phrase?) things have become a bit more complicated:

Satanist father and Christian mother fight for Sunday morning custody rights

Well, now, this does present the courts with a pickle of a problem, doesn't it? How exactly does a judge choose which religion wins? I think the answer should be obvious:

Mr Meyer may now be asked to prove that Satanism, which he says is about celebrating man's desires rather than worshipping the devil, is a real faith.

I guess I have to wonder just exactly how the poor man plans to go about completing this task and why the mother isn't being forced to do the same. In all fairness, the mother may be asked to prove that Satanism is harmful to their daughter, which I imagine would be a pretty entertaining presentation.

Personally, I think they are all adult make-believe so I would probably place the child with an atheist family every Sunday morning so she could sleep in and get some damn peace in her life, but that is just me.

Anyway....once again, one nonsensical worldview will be pitted against another and the only outcome is that yet another child will be brainwashed at a young age only to grow up later and realize her parents are both full of it.
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We need more Mother F***ing Snakes in our Mother F***ing Church!!

Posted by JCE

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A pastor in Kentucky has been arrested as part of an undercover sting operation on the venomous snake trade:

Coots, 36, is pastor of the Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus Name in Middlesboro, where a Tennessee woman died after being bitten by a rattlesnake during a service in 1995. Her husband died three years later when he was bitten by a snake in northeastern Alabama.

While I applaud the Darwinian efforts to weed out the undesirables among us, I cannot help but wonder what possesses people to think this is a good idea in the first place? States have had to pass laws prohibiting children from participating in these rituals. Again, I am at a loss to explain why these people would want to put their children at such risk, much like the 'prayer healers' who choose to pray instead of seek medical attention for their children. WTF is wrong with these people?!

As usual, I point to these stories when asked "What harm does faith do?" and am consequently told that those people don't count because we all know they are nuts. Oh yeah? More nuts than believing in miracles or images of Jesus showing up in ice cream?? No - you are all nuts. The flavor of your particular crazy doesn't make it any more appetizing to me.

Many of these snakes were purchased through the internet and here is what I feel is the best quote to sum up this entire mess (from Kentucky Zoo director, Jim Harrison):

"You can purchase anything off the Internet except common sense,"

How very true.

(Trivia note: One of the founders of this practice, George Went Hensley, died from a fatal snake bite. The irony is delicious.)
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Vote McCain: Another 4 Years of Insane!!

Posted by JCE

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Wow. This guy just gets funnier every time I hear him speak (/sarcasm).

Original article here.

John McCain cracked yet another unfunny joke when asked about exports to Iran including shipments of cigarettes.



Death by cigarettes. Yeah, that'll show 'em! I think we can all agree that if he doesn't win the presidency, he certainly should consider a career in comedy. What a dipshit.

Follow-up: Childhood Lies

Posted by JCE

***

This post is in response to some of the questions raised by this post:

Were any of the things I learned as a child true?

Oldest/Middle/Youngest Child Syndrome - I probably should have used "Birth Order Effect". There are several articles (and reams of scientific publications) devoted to birth order. Basically, the best summary I found was here:

But Dalton Conley, author of "The Pecking Order," another book on the effects of birth order, says, "birth order makes about as much sense as astrology, which is almost none."

Conley explains in his book that a lot of other factors affect the behavior of first-borns and last-borns much more strongly. "Early death of a parent, timing of economic shocks to the family, gender expectations and roles in the family, you name it," Conley said, "outside influences, random events — birth order is basically at the bottom of that list."

"It's just like astrology," he added. "When you see a good fit, you say, 'Hah! He's such a Gemini.' When you see a good fit, you say, 'hah, he's such a first-born, aggressive control freak,' but when it doesn't fit the mold you don't even notice it."

Left Brain/Right Brain - If you are logical and analytical you are considered left-brain dominate, if you are artistic and imaginative you are considered right-brain dominate....at least that is what I was taught. Again, continuing research reveals a much different story:

To most neuroscientists, of course, these notions are seen as simplistic at best and nonsense at worst. So there was general satisfaction when, a couple of years ago, a simple brain scanner test appeared to reveal the true story about one of neurology's greatest puzzles: exactly what is the difference between the two sides of the human brain? Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you like your theories, the big picture revealed by that work is proving far less romantic than the logical-creative split, intriguingly complex and tough to prove.

Subtraction methods - this tidbit prompted a few to ask what in the heck I was talking about. The mechanics of the method I was taught are the same as any other subtraction method, but there is no "crossing-out". For example: 73 take away 19. The three becomes 13 by adding a tiny 1 next to it. The one is then replaced next to the 1 in 19. The result is that 10 has been borrowed from the 10's column into the one's column. The 10's column is reduced by 10 when the 7 now has 2 deducted from it. Basically, my paper looks much neater - to me anyway, to those who were taught to "cross-out" my paper appears incorrect.

FWIW, my son does all simple math in his head and I am jealous.

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Civic Lesson 2: The Preamble

Posted by JCE

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The other day, BGH wrote about a refresher course in civics focusing on the fact that the United States was NOT founded as a Christian nation. The comments that followed seemed to indicate some confusion as to what documents 'founded' this nation. Naturally, the "Christian nation" advocates dutifully pointed to the scant mention of 'god' in the Declaration of Independence. I'm sure their various religious leaders would be proud of their ability to regurgitate without thinking what they have been told is evidence of this country being founded as a christian nation.

While the Declaration is a nice historical document and we should revere it for the driving force it gave to the revolution, that document says nothing about the direction this country would take. It says nothing about the structure of our government and how the rights of the government would be balanced against the rights of the individuals. Yes, it mentions 'god', but the reference to god is mainly to inform England (a corrupt theocracy at the time) that the 'god' they so venerated in their government is the same one being called upon to assist us in our quest for independence. In other words, it was used to illustrate the mockery England had made of 'god'. The founding fathers knew full well that invoking god in their missive would be seen as a slap in the face to those trying so hard to use 'god' for their own political purposes. They were well aware of the force of the Church of England and how it's power had been used against the citizens of England and wanted the King to understand that they, too, were doing "god's will".

As the holiday weekend winds down, let's take a moment and remember just exactly what it is we are celebrating - our independence as a free nation. The Declaration of Independence is exactly what is says it is, a declaration of our intent to seek independence from the oppressive rule of England. But it is not the founding document for our country. For that we must move forward to a much more important document - The Constitution. How do I know the Constitution is the founding document for this country? Because it says so, right in the opening paragraph:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

The beauty in these words is breathtaking for their purity of thought. They convey a simple, yet somehow complex ideal of what a society should be. They are the standard to which we should all strive.

I have been accused of hating this country because I speak out against the government leaders. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love this country so much that I watch like a hawk for signs of traitorous activity within the ranks. For indications that someone wishes to destroy what I love, to cheapen my honor for this country by representing us with lies. Because of my love for this country I am not willing to sit idly by and watch its reputation and foundation become sullied by corruption and greed. If it were not for people speaking against status quo and acting with vigilance we would not enjoy the freedoms we have today. Like my children, I love this country enough to want more for it than I do for myself and I will use every possible means to protect it from those who seek to harm it. My weapons of words and voting may seem weak, but considering the founding fathers had little more than that I feel that I am well armed after all.

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Were any of the things I learned as a child true?

Posted by JCE

Court cases for lead paint are still being fought and decided in courts. I can remember when this particular scare came out and I was quite young. Everyone was told not to let their children eat paint chips…yes, people actually had to be told that. Years later, I was still under the misguided assumption that eating paint chips caused lead poisoning from lead paint. I was wrong. Dust particles can be inhaled from peeling/old paint, paint molecules can be picked up from normal hand contact with a lead painted surface and remodeling projects often lead to heavy inhalation of lead based dust particles.

Since this is but one in a long list of myths I was told as a child (either through general ignorance or intentional misdirection) I am starting to worry that everything I was told as a child was a lie:

• Space is not infinite.
• Vicks vapor rub doesn’t cure you of anything.
• Prenatal vitamins will not make your hair grow. (Obviously I was fed this line when I was older and not surprisingly it is still being passed around.)
• If you go swimming less than an hour after eating, you probably will not die.
• Left Brain/Right Brain – doesn’t exist. Yes you have a left side and right side, but they communicate just fine in everyone.
• Oldest/Middle/Youngest Child Syndrome – Although there are some interesting dynamics in families, there is no evidence to suggest birthplace does much in determining your personality.
• Prayer is not an effective method of birth control. (j/k – The truth is I was taught preventing pregnancy is bad, sex is bad, enjoying it is evil.)
• Cough medicine doesn't do anything for you.
  

Oddly enough I was also taught a very specific way to do subtraction that completely annoys people today. Apparently it was a method taught for a brief time in the 70’s and I was one of the lucky guinea pigs. I can’t tell you if it is better or worse than any other method, but I can tell you that I had to re-learn subtraction when my children were being taught in school so that I could help them with their homework. Apparently mom’s way was ‘weird’.

I know there is a list of about 1,000 other things I was taught only to find out later they were untrue, but I suppose I am most grateful for the one thing I was taught that remains true today: Keep learning!

When Theocrats have Power

Posted by JCE

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An 11 year old rape victim in Romania is being urged by 20 church groups not to get an abortion. In fact, the church groups have threatened to press charges if the courts allow the child to travel to Britain to get an abortion. That's right - the church groups will press charges! As if this young lady has not been through enough!

The real kicker to this is that the Romanian Orthodox Church supports the stance that the family should be the ones to decide what is best for the child. Who knew an Orthodox church could be so liberal?? Actually, I am being sarcastic - it is nice to see the church is in full support of the family's decision.

What bothers me is that the church groups are all supposed 'pro-life Christian' groups but they obviously do not favor the life of this child. Apparently it is not bad enough for them that an 11 year old was raped and impregnated, had her childhood and innocence stolen and destroyed, now they want to take her dignity away as well. They want force her to carry the baby to term and then have offered to take the baby. How nice! How very generous of them!!! Screw the 11 year old - preserve the fetus at all cost even if that cost is the life of the mother. Yes, of course an 11 year old is completely ready to carry a baby to term and give birth!! Naturally this is something she would want to do! And then of course she would want to give that child up for adoption! Why it is the perfect answer! Who cares about the psychological damage to the 11 year old? Who cares about the physical and social toll this is taking on her? All that matters is that one fucking cluster of cells gets a chance to become a paying member of the god club.

Jesus christ those people make me sick.

A government committee is to decide on Friday the fate of the child.

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No Worship For Sex Offenders

Posted by JCE

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Georgia instituted a very strict sex offender policy and the sex offenders are fighting back. According to the restrictions, registered sex offenders are banned from participating in church activities beyond going to a service. Apparently, the dirty old sex offenders want to do more and feel their religious rights are being violated.

When I read this I wasn’t sure who to root for – I’m all for protecting children from sex offenders and I cannot see where being banned from participating in social church activities is a violation of their religious freedom. However, I am wondering why the churches were included in the ban at all. They are tax exempt entities and do not pay for legal protection so I fail to see why they were included in this ruling. Let them figure out what to do with the sex offenders when they show up (like, stop hiring them for instance). Aren’t religious folks supposed to ‘turn the other cheek’? Isn’t forgiveness one of the tenants of their faith? Shouldn’t they have more faith in their god that he will protect the children from harm? Hmmmm?????

Isn’t it fun when reality comes back to bite the fanatics in the ass?

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Sunday Morning Smackdown! God vs. The Almighty Dollar!!

Posted by JCE

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Once again, the Almighty Dollar wins home court advantage over other divine beings. In a rather stunning turn of events, prayer has failed to lower gas prices and church attendance has dropped. Evidently people don’t actually consider their immortal souls to be the necessity they thought they were when compared to putting food on the table and paying the bills. Needless to say church leaders are baffled by this attitude. After all, they figured the brainwashing was working and people would be a bit more grateful for all those wasted Sundays of receiving nothing for something. Turns out they aren’t.

At the Islamic Center of Southern California, it was common before the surge in gasoline prices to see people visit five times a day to find fellowship and pray.

Now, coordinator Ahmed Mohamed says, many people come "just two or three times a day and sometimes less. They can't afford to drive here as often. I've never seen anything like it."

<-----Maybe folks can try this method of transport.








As one of our authors, BGH, wrote earlier - Reduce your carbon footprint, pray at home! While this is a great idea and certainly an environmentally friendly one, this kind of attitude will not keep the churches in business and that is certainly not the message the leaders want to convey to their flocks:

At the St. Paul Evangelical Lutheran Church in Valley City, Ohio, Pastor D. Murawski's message Sunday was simple. By all means, cut back on your driving but not your driving to church.

"Yes, it may be more difficult at the end of the month to pay our bills and fill our tanks," he wrote on the church's website, "but one thing that hasn't diminished one iota is the commitment of God to love you, forgive you, and watch over you."

There are, of course, also the uber moral midgets who see this as a good thing since the invention of cars led to sex.

One pastor, Ed Black of Arena Christian Church in Lincoln, Calif., told his flock on his blog Sunday that the car -- and the fuel it rode in on -- might be one of the roots of modern society's ills.

"With the invention of the car," Black wrote, "young men would change the dating scene, picking up girls, and taking them away from their parents, without supervision, dropping [them] off later after who knows what went on."

And on that note, in another surprise upset against god, the Almighty Dollar won in the battle over same-sex marriage. Struggling with financial woes for the past 20 years or so finally forced California lawmakers to gain some common sense and allow same sex couples to marry.

No reports yet on dogs applying for marriage licenses.

(Thanks, BGH, for the link - great article!)

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Old Enough to Serve...Too Young to Die

Posted by JCE

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Michael Patton died this past Saturday while serving in the Marines stationed in Afghanistan. He was 19 years old. He graduated last year with my daughter.

The marine is being remembered as a family man who loved life and loved the military.

Michael Patton's mother says her son knew he wanted to be a member of the armed forces ever since he was 5 years old.

He also knew the risks associated with serving his country, including during wartime.

The Fenton native would fulfill his lifelong dream when he joined the U.S Marines as part of an infantry unit.

The 19 year old was a Fox High School graduate. His high school sweetheart became his wife as the two prepared to share their lives together.

Tragically Patton's was cut short along with 3 other marines. Their vehicle ran over an improvised explosive device, killing all 4 Marines over the weekend.

Michael's mother says her son was special in so many ways.She calls Michael a loving man with a big smile and a big heart.

Patton was born and raised in Fenton and has two sisters. His mother told me he loved soccer nearly as much as he loved the idea of fighting for his country.

Michael was not the first Marine to die while serving but he was the first classmate of my daughter's to die while serving. I look at my daughter and cannot imagine the grief Michael's family is going through. Like my own child, I am sure he brought much joy during his brief life and will be remembered forever. He was obviously a very brave young man and my thoughts go out to his family.

Thank you, Michael. Rest in peace.

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No, in fact, you are NOT entitled to an opinion!

Posted by JCE

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The ever tightening noose around the neck of free speech is being tugged just a little tighter as bloggers are now subject to arrest for expressing their opinions. BBC News reports:

Since 2003, 64 people have been arrested for publishing their views on a blog, says the University of Washington annual report.

In 2007 three times as many people were arrested for blogging about political issues than in 2006, it revealed.

Lest we think these arrests are happening only in the "not-so-free" countries England, Canada, France and the United States are on the list thanks to new restrictions imposed on online usage and debates over what is hate speech and what constitutes free use.

Obviously, I do not agree with every opinion being shared, but if arrests are going to be made, the large news sources should be arrested for spewing out misleading headlines and/or sensationalizing stories to the point that they are complete lies. Is the world so threatened by bloggers that they have to gag them? Are the opinions and information we share that powerful? Apparently they are.

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Outgrowing the Bible as Truth

Posted by JCE

Betsy Ross
George Washington
Johnny Appleseed
Paul Bunyan
Annie Oakley
Daniel Boone
Pocahontas
Paul Revere

These names are only part of a cast of character from stories we were told as children as part of our American History education. Once we got a little older we came to understand that while some of them have a kernel of truth to them, none of the childhood stories we had been told were factual. They were either entirely fabricated or embellished. Either way, the point of the stories was to impart lessons in morality while inspiring patriotism. Nothing wrong with that at face value, but none of us walk around worshiping any of these people and no one would take the childhood stories and claim they are the absolute truth even though the stories are fairly recent in history – less than 250 years!

Why then do religious folks consider their bible to be any different from these stories? They will call the stories of Job, Jonah, the Prodigal Son, etc. parables but will still claim the bible as being The Truth. Well, it isn’t. It is myth. Some of it is interesting myth and some of it is pretty boring, but it is all myth.

I never did understand the correlation between the bible and faith. It wasn’t as though I was ever a bible-thumpin’ believer, but even as a child I could recognize the bible for what it is – ancient stories intended to instill morality during a time when people were searching for a way to establish morality in their own societies. We no longer have a need for this since we have evolved as a society and continue to evolve through education and experience.

There are those who will separate their faith from the bible (I was one of those) but after examining it, what are you left with to base your faith on? Nothing, really, except that at some point in your life you have been told to believe so you do. Not a very logical standpoint, certainly not a very well thought through one, but I suspect this is where most moderate believers end up.

Sadly, they have also been told, beginning at a very tender age that the word atheist is connected to the worst sort of individual. They are told atheists claim to know god does not exist. They are told atheists think they are smarter than god and everyone else and that atheists are full of pride with their knowledge! (Uh, yeah, cause knowledge is real bad. Says so right there in the first chapter of the good book. Note to self: any book that says knowledge is bad, probably isn’t one you should invest a lot of effort into examining.) They are told atheists will worship anything and aren’t you the lucky little ducks for getting such good instructions to worship the ‘right’ thing.

Not only is none of that true, they leave out a very important part in all of their preaching. Nearly all believers believe their chosen god because of an accident of birth. Had I been born in a different part of the world, I would no doubt have been raised Hindu, Muslim or Jewish. Once this realization seeps into the gray matter of the average believer, they are usually much more receptive to applying critical thinking to other aspects of their faith.

And so to summarize...People are stupid

Posted by JCE

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Nothing changes, history repeats itself, humans are essentially no more or less intelligent than when they first evolved…possibly a little less and because of this we will eventually kill ourselves. We just might take the rest of the planet with us too.

These are the conclusions I have reached since spending the past couple of years submersed in current events (to a near addictive level, I might add). I also realized that the above conclusion was the primary reason I ignored current events in the first place. Actually, I ignored them because I already knew about the above conclusion, but it depressed me beyond reason and I would lose sight of what in the hell life is about.

Now I know – humor.

So, in an effort to inject a little humor in our lives, let’s take a gander at some headlines, shall we?

• Wall Street broker acquitted in 'gym rage' case – well, of course he was acquitted! He is a stock broker, duh! They never do anything criminal!
  
  
• Mow your lawn... or risk jail time in Canton, Ohio – It is about time we started passing some laws that make sense…or not.
  
  
• You can’t preach the Bible here, this is a Muslim area – Ummm…who didn’t see this coming?
  
  
• After six months, can Democratic race be over? – Six months??? More like six years!
  
  
• NEW YORK: DWI charge for woman going wrong way on bridge – I included this one because for the life of me I cannot figure out why it made headline news.
  
  
• MIDDLEBURY, VT.: Vandals must take class on Robert Frost's poetry – That'll teach 'em!
  
  
• SACRAMENTO, CALIF.: Proposal to bar same-sex marriage makes ballot – Well, duh! We wouldn't want to make any progress in society without backsliding into the pit of stupidity from which we tried to emerge in the first place!
  
  
• More Americans Take Public Transit – Again, I’m sitting here trying to figure out why this made headline news. Do the news writers not buy gas?
  
  
• Firing ranges complicate vets' PTSD recovery – Ummm…who the hell decided to put the vets there in the first place? And why can’t we execute people who do dumb things like that?
  
  
• Draft plan: FEMA may use trailers in new disaster - Because they worked out so well in New Orleans.
  
  
• Man Sues Truck Stop Over Coffee Burns - {eye twitches} Why not? Coffee isn't supposed to be served piping hot anyway.
  
  
• Warning Issued concerning 'beach bombs' - Evidently people are taking live mortar rounds home as souvenirs from their vacations. To be honest, I really don't think there should be a warning issued for this...it is happening in Jersey and I'm pretty sure they are as pleased as the rest of us to be rid of anyone stupid enough to take one of these prizes home. Plus it is going a long way toward cleaning up the shores!
  
  
• Dutch man injures posterior in mooning accident - WTF?
  
  

Well, there you have it! Evidence of the world going to hell in a handbasket. And the driving force behind our descent? Idiocy. I hope you all laughed really hard. Now, dry your tears and keep lobbying our government to do something intelligent!

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I love the world too!

Posted by JCE

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Here is a commercial from the Discovery Channel that pretty much sums up how I feel:



I love science, I love discovering new things, I love thinking, I love the earth and the moon and the stars and the sun, I love watching people and how they interact, I love watching things grow...yeah, I love the world!

(h/t to BGH for sending me the link)

Meditation, a.k.a Sleep

Posted by JCE

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So, I've been feeling a little edgy lately - anxious, out of sorts, disjointed - and thought maybe I should look into meditation. After all, what harm could it do, right?

Meditation, as described on the multiple sources I checked, is the act of relaxation and focusing attention to achieve...something. Depending on what methodology you choose to believe, you can achieve a higher state of consciousness, a oneness with the universe, commune with god, and in at least one case, excerpts from a book to be later named the Qu'ran. Okay, so yeah, um....I'm still a little fuzzy on the "something" part.

Here is what happens when I close my eyes and relax: sleep.

That's it. Sometimes I dream and occasionally (okay, often) I snore, but if I am sitting down and relaxed I will fall right to sleep. It happens when I watch television, at lunch, having conversations with people - you name it, it becomes night night time for me. A full tummy only hastens the process.

This is what meditation looks like:

This is what taking a nap looks like - not much different, huh?

This is John McCain meditating...or maybe napping. Hard to tell which.

This is what happens to me:


So, once again, the concept of spirituality has eluded me and I am left with nothing more than refreshment from a good night's sleep or quick nap. As to any treatment regarding the anxiety...my guess is, if I just stop worrying so darned much about everything, I would most likely feel lots better. Oh, yeah, and I could take my allergy medicine - that would probably do wonders too.

Perhaps I will go lie down and meditate on it a little more.

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I am NOT a Friggin Secretary!

Posted by JCE

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A portion of my job includes administrative work mainly because I inherited those responsibilities due to layoffs and attrition. Generally speaking, I am the type of person that if I am handed something I will figure out how to do it, so I end up getting more than my fair share of crap added to my list of duties. Recently, I got sucked into a project that involved editing multiple documents which had been created years ago and then edited, re-edited, re-edited....to the point where there are so many formatting issues within the documents that it is near impossible to simply make a change without affecting the entire document. The people working on this project know next to nothing about word processing or Microsoft Word so many of the changes that have been made are errors of the worst kind - spaces instead of tabs, manually entering page numbers or letters/numbers in an outline, text style inconsistencies, saving the document on different computers with different default settings, etc.

I was gladly lending my hand and ignoring my growing headache until the woman in charge of the project whined one time too many and pointed out to me that she misses the days of "secretaries" when she could just dump something like this on them. (Seriously, she used the word 'dump' while I was sitting there trying to help her.) This woman possesses a degree in chemistry for which I commend her and would never degrade her to the level of lab rat so why is it considered okay to degrade me to the level of secretary simply because she does not understand word processing software? I worked very hard to gain the knowledge I have and understand all too well the in's and out's of formatting codes in Word and the possible conflicts that occur when working with this software. My ability to work in this program goes waaaaaaay beyond being able to produce a simple letter or memo. Computer programmers are venerated in our work world, but the people that are capable of producing professional, publishable material using a crappy ass program like Word deserve a fucking medal! The program sucks - it has always sucked. Overall, I like Microsoft products, but attempting to produce a quality word processing project using the capabilities of Word is like trying to drill for oil using a straw and a spoon.

So.....I became a bit abrupt with her and ended up explaining verbally how to fix the problem and left. I'm sorry, but if she cannot at least respect the knowledge I have, then there is no reason for me to help. After all, I am just a peon.

(For the record, my boss has never, not one time ever, referred to me as a secretary and even chafes at using Administrative Assistant. He will always qualify it by saying "that is only part of what you do and is not a good description".)

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Training Children to Kill

Posted by JCE

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We do live in a civilized society, right? Every once in a while I can almost convince myself that we do and then I read an article like this:

12 yr old beheads man - Al Qaeda training

My first inclination was to think that this was an isolated situation of the evil Islamists being ever more evil. Then I remembered Jesus Camp. So I started digging a little further and discovered that this problem is not new, not isolated and, sadly, not likely to stop any time soon.

The Spartans developed a training system wherein children were taken from their homes at the age of 7 and raised in military camps. There they were routinely beaten and starved, often to death. Extreme violence was encouraged as well as cunning and thievery. Usually the only way they got to eat was by stealing food from someone else and this method was lauded unless they were caught. The punishment meted out for being caught was severe and if they managed to survive all of this, their final test involved killing a helot, or serf, without getting caught.

Little has changed since the time of the Spartans; if anything the problem has gotten worse. Although their methods were barbaric to the extreme, the Spartans did actually train these children for war. Today children are thrown into violent situations with no training at all. They are simply brainwashed/threatened, convinced to follow commands and then used as sacrificial lambs. These are not tomorrow's warriors; they are tomorrow's serial killers. In the all too likely event these children are captured, their own military will not claim them or make any effort to get them released. They are considered disposable.

As if the physical and psychological abuse were not enough, these children are also abused sexually. Often young girls are kidnapped and held by the troops and then routinely raped and abused.

Facts About Child Soldiers

• Today, as many as 300,000 children under the age of 18 serve in government forces or armed rebel groups. Some are as young as eight years old.
  
• The participation of child soldiers has been reported in 33 on-going or recent armed conflicts in almost every region of the world.
  
• Child soldiers are used by armed opposition forces, although many are used by government armi