Posted by
Pariahjane

I just don't get it - this belief in god. I never have. I grew up in a household where god was non-existent. Religion simply didn't exist for me as a child. The only thing I knew was that Sundays were terribly boring because all the other kids in my neighborhood had to go to school on Sunday. I understood that people believed in this guy God and he was a good guy as long as you followed all his rules so I went along with it. If you had asked me when I was seven if I believed in god I would have replied 'hell, yes!' despite the fact that I had never stepped inside a church before. That's just what people did; they believed in god. So I did too.
But not really. I never really believed there was an actual god or supernatural being. And boy did I try! I tried my hand at Christianity, Judaism, Paganism and Buddhism when I was a teenager and I felt just as silly praying to god as I did casting a spell. I was looking for something and I thought god might be the answer but... I just could not buy into it. There was nothing there.
I had an epiphany, if you will, at the age of 18. I was hiking in the Adirondacks, hot, tired, soaked to the gills and very, very cranky. When we finally(!) reached the top of that mountain all the tiredness went away. There before me was a beautifully breathtaking scene. Rolling mountains, trees as far as the eye could see, it was just stunning and that's when it hit me. This is what I was looking for. This earth, this life - the here and now. And it had been in front of me this whole time.
I missed it because I was looking for what everyone around me was looking for - god, eternity, a reason for our lives. The reason for our lives is our life. This idea of something or someone who gave us a reason to live and therefore we owed him our lives is ludicrous. My friends were still looking toward the afterlife - this life was merely a temporary pit stop on the way to eternal salvation. Yet I couldn't accept that - it didn't make sense. Why waste this life looking forward to one that you can't even be sure exists?
The more I researched and read about religions the more I disliked them. Religion is just a club that separates people into good and bad based on a set of guidelines that are more exclusive than inclusive. It's dogmatic and unyielding. Religion is a replacement for 'I don't know'. The problem with that is once you accept it, you stop looking. Why bother trying to find out why something exists if you already know 'god did it'? It doesn't encourage learning, it encourages accepting what you are told without questions. My mother once told me 'the moment you stop learning is the moment you stop living' and I think it's the best advice anyone has ever given me. What's wrong with 'I don't know'? I happen to like 'I don't know' because that is the first step on the path to learning and understanding. Religion, on the other hand, takes the easy way out - it's all god(s) doing.

Yet I still found myself trying to understand how a person can believe in god when there is no evidence of his existence. How can seemingly educated people think they were created by some omniscient omnipotent being? Even more baffling to me is the fact that people believe the Bible really, honestly, truly, absolutely is the unerring word of god. These people think that the earth is only 6000 years old, contrary to overwhelming evidence that it is, in fact, far older than that. There are people who deny science because it simply does not fit into their perfect little religious box. They deny it even when faced with mountains of evidence, of proof. What is so powerful about religion that would make a person so deluded? Is it fear of death? The unknown? I just don't understand it. But I'll keep trying.
JCE and I had a conversation recently in which we decided that atheists probably talk more about religion than the religious do. Perhaps it's because we just happen to be curious folk but most likely I suspect that we focus on it because our society is do entrenched in religiosity. For non-believers I think it's a bit jarring. We can see the issues religion creates because we're not involved in it. We can view it from an objective standpoint, pick it apart, and see the good from the bad. I have to wonder - if a religious person was capable of seeing the hypocrisy's of their own faith would they still believe? I'm sure that some would continue to believe while others would turn away.
I guess I do understand the reasons why a person might believe in god. The hope of an afterlife, eternal life. Perhaps a little bit of it is fear. Or hope. Yet it doesn't make sense to me why a person would believe in something they can't know exists just to make themselves feel a little better about their own lives.
I know that people are going to tell me that I don't 'get it' because I'm not looking hard enough, or I don't have faith or I'm just plain stupid. I've heard those arguments countless times before and I've read, very seriously, others' accounts of 'finding god' but the holes in the story, the questions that arise from their accounts, make it impossible for me to find any proof of a god.